TLDR I'm single
You never really think about all of the risks you're taking.
All of the grief you're just building up until the end.
You spent years, knowing the future clearly like black and white paper.
And yet you try your hardest to keep what you worked for.
You worked so very hard to pick up broken pieces, fix them together to make a good future.
Thinking you have any sort of control of the future, when in reality.. You should just give up.
I spent my years with this project of mine. Knowing all of the flaws, all of the risks, knowing everything that could happen.
I see everything black and white, it either is or it isn't, but that is my mental condition.
That is how it is.
But despite everything? I trusted you.
I had so much faith in you.
But you didn't do anything in the end
Build me up and watched me fall.
Gave me fake words to believe in just to get out of jail
My self-esteem was healthy, my mindset was healthy, I was doing just fine being alone and to myself.
Until you came and made me so reliable on you. I couldn't exist without you.
I gave everything I had and I kept giving everything I got.
And you just took.
I was so blinded by love that I just wouldn't believe everything people were telling me.
I kept thinking "Why should I believe in other people, when I trust my man to tell the truth? His words over strangers"
Logical right? Except everything they said was true.
You lied to me. So many times. It is unbelievable.
I spent 3 f*cking years trying to give you love, trying to show what I am.
You spent those 3 f*cking years cheating on me, breaking every rule we made to help you, go behind my back, flirt with every girl you could find, tried to get in my FRIENDS pants.
And you didn't want anything to do with me? All you cared about was my art, my digital image.
But irl me? I was nothing.
Was I not beautiful to you?
You kept saying how you loved me, how you cared about me.
But you don't love someone you cheat on for over a year. And then 4 times where I caught you.
You've probably cheated on me over a 100 times and I still stayed.
I BELIEVED you when you said you could change.
You build up all of this trust in me, only to knock it over again OVER AND OVER AND OVER...
How.. How can you sleep..
How can you think you're worth a thing when you've done this to such a beautiful young soul.
I spent 3 years breaking down crying with nightmares.
You spent 3 years being unfaithful and uncaring.
Truth is.... Everyone is going to hurt you..
You have to find the one you're willing to hurt for.
And that is not you, J. That is not you.